WrestleMania XXVI, Part Two

Because the Bell Hotel was a few miles outside of downtown Phoenix, Andrew and I left for WWE Axxess at around 3, just in case we ran into any traffic. There wasn’t any. We reached 5th Street in about twenty minutes, and parked in a public pay lot that didn’t have a collector on site.

We thought it was rather odd, but in the center was this big box with about 20 numbered slots for each parking space. For $3, we could park for up to 12 hours. We thought it was a fantastic deal, and slipped in the cash before walking over to the Phoenix Convention Center, where Axxess was held.

As it turned out, we parked on 5th Avenue, not 5th Street, which was on the opposite end of downtown. Eh. We had lots of time, so for the next 45 minutes, we walked past several tall skyscrapers, elaborate churches, and eventually reached Chase Field on the other side. The ballpark was impressive to say the least. Neither Andrew nor I could believe that such a humongous, well-kept ballpark could be home to such a lackluster team.

Across the street from Chase Field was the south wing of the convention center. We made our way toward the west wing, which was draped in banners featuring various WWE wrestlers. There was one of John Cena, Batista, The Undertaker, and our favorite wrestler, Bret Hart, who shocked everyone when he returned to the WWE in January.

I have to give credit to both Phoenix and the WWE advertising team, because WrestleMania promotional material was everywhere. As if the airport wasn’t enough, there were pictures of wrestlers hanging from the streetlights, and local bars and restaurants had signs welcoming Mania fans. The event clearly boosted tourism for the city, ‘cause as I’ve said before, I have no idea why anybody would go to Phoenix otherwise. The bottom one percent of society kept Phoenix’s economy booming that weekend.

Speaking of which, right after I had a guy take a photo of Andrew and me in front of Bret’s banner, a fan approached and asked, “do you guys know where Axxess will be?” Andrew took a second to figure out whether he should give a sarcastic answer or a straight one.

“Um, it’s probably in the building with all the WWE signs all over it. Like the sign there that says, ‘Axxess Downstairs.’”

“Oh, oh yeah, thanks,” the fan said.

Andrew turned to me and repeated, “bottom one percent, Brad.” I nodded in sad agreement.

We headed inside and went down the escalator to a giant gray room that led to the Axxess entrance. A sizable line had formed, but even though the event was general admission (like a museum), we joined the crowd, since we sincerely had nothing better to do. Like on my flight over, there were plenty of children and women around us, who stood out immensely from the obligatory fat guys with ugly facial hair wearing championship belts. One kid dressed up like The Undertaker, and a fanboy walked in wearing an Edge-style trench coat that drew some praise.

Andrew and I were still tired, so we sat and took in the bizarreness of our surroundings. One guy tried to start a Ric Flair “whooo” chant, but thankfully, everybody ignored him. Meanwhile, a boy behind me kept nagging his mom for an orange John Cena “Cenation” T-shirt. Many kids in the line had that shirt. It’s an ugly shirt, to be sure, but didn’t we all want to look like our heroes when we were kids? Or even as adults?

I knew for sure that I was going to buy a few WWE shirts once I got inside, but I vowed not to wear any wrestling merchandise during the weekend. (I preferred to remain on the upper crust of that bottom percent, thank you very much.)

At 5:40, they let everybody in. There were even more banners hanging along the walls, with flashing lights and prerecorded sound bites. The WrestleMania XXVI theme song, Kevin Rudolf’s “I Made It,” blared from all speakers. On the radio, it sounds like generic crap, but for some reason, walking briskly into Axxess, the beat made me feel pretty damn excited.

While everyone else started to line up near various autograph/meet-and-greet booths, Andrew and I checked out the entire space to see where we wanted to go.

The first attraction we checked out was the “Hart Family Dungeon,” a small exhibit showcasing various artifacts from the Hart wrestlers. It was practically a shrine since so many of them had tragically died in the past decade or so. As stated earlier, Andrew and I are huge fans of Bret Hart and the dynasty he’s a part of, so it was a real treat to see this. My favorite exhibited item was Bret’s leather jacket that he wore in 1993. As a kid, I really wanted a jacket with the zippers and epaulettes like his. It was much cooler than some John Cena T-shirt. Come to think of it, I still want a jacket like that!

Front and center was Bret’s “1993 Superstar of the Year” trophy, which I vividly remember him accepting on Monday Night Raw. By that point, he was already my all-time favorite wrestler, and I really looked up to him for simply being so damn gifted in the ring. Nobody told a story in a match like he did. I couldn’t help but feel a bit lucky that of all the WrestleManias he’d decide to return at, it was this one with both Andrew and me in attendance. That alone was reason enough to come to Phoenix.

Towards the back of the room was a full-size wrestling ring, where longtime WWE announcer Howard Finkel talked on and on with his co-host, Christian. Incidentally, there was another wrestler named Christian on the roster, who Andrew and I really enjoyed watching, so we called this other guy “Fake Christian.” Half the time, Fake Christian didn’t sound like he knew what he was talking about, but I guess that was part of the fun of watching him banter on with Finkel.

The hosts invited some attendees into the ring to do impressions of their favorite wrestlers. A six-year-old boy posed like Shawn Michaels, and a girl around the same age tried to act like the Big Show (but failed). One of the fat fanboys gave “Stone Cold” Steve Austin a go, but since he wasn’t allowed to climb the turnbuckles, he looked like an idiot the whole time. And then there was a guy called “The Chump” from Nice, France, who did a spot-on promo as The Rock. He even started with the trademark, “whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa” as The Rock often said to shut Michael Cole up. It was hilarious, and everybody voted him the winner.

The impersonation took Andrew and me back to high school and the “Attitude Era” of the WWE, which was 10 years ago. It was the biggest thing going on TV at the time. Every Tuesday and Friday, we’d show up in class and talk about what happened the previous night on Raw is War and SmackDown! Those really were the days. Heck, in elementary school, my classmates and I would gather every recess to talk about Hulk Hogan, the Ultimate Warrior, and Randy Savage. Of all people, The Chump reminded me once again that I’ve literally grown up with the WWE; WrestleMania was 26, and I was 26. ‘Nuff said!

After the contest, Andrew and I went off to stand in a line. Lines were everywhere at Axxess, since everyone wanted to get Melina’s autograph, or take a photo with Mickie James, or shake Vladimir Kozlov’s hand. The shortest and fastest line, oddly enough, was the one for the Bella Twins, who weren’t so much wrestlers as they were backstage valets. (They weren’t even in the WrestleMania program, which goes to show how important they were!)

Regardless, we figured we might as well get somebody’s autograph, so we met them and got a photo with them, much to the chagrin of the security guy who tried desperately to keep the line going. Judging from the amount of WWE “Divas” around the event, it seemed to us that the real purpose of Axxess was to give all the nerds and fanboys a chance to get close to women wrestlers they’d have no chance with otherwise.

Andrew and I then stood in another line to meet the real Christian, who was very cordial, but clearly antsy to get the hell out of the booth. I don’t blame him. If I had to sign autographs for two and a half hours, meeting rowdy weirdos and getting flash photos taken of me every minute, I’d be pretty antsy too. Then again, that is part of the job, ain’t it?

As we got to the front of the line, we were informed by one of the workers that they’d be rotating wrestlers soon, and that someone would take Christian’s place in a few minutes. Andrew and I chose to let a few others bypass us, and waited patiently until the replacement arrived. We hoped it’d be someone cool. Even the worker said that we “wouldn’t be disappointed” with the next wrestler.

In the meantime, a girl yapped my ear off about how good Axxess was the previous night, since John Cena and Bret Hart showed up for in-ring interviews with Finkel. To Andrew’s disappointment, Jimmy Wang Yang, whose wrestling gimmick is parading around as an Asian cowboy, wouldn’t be meeting fans that night. Still, we hoped to see him around.

The doors opened, and out walked Natalya, David Smith Hart, and Tyson Kidd, the Hart Dynasty. It was kind of a letdown, since they are not nearly as popular as Christian, but they were Harts. Natalya and David Smith are Bret’s niece and nephew, and Kidd is Bret’s protégé. We got their autographs, and I made it a point to shake hands with them. Smith’s handshake was the second hardest I ever received. I literally felt bones snapping. But they were all very nice, and as Andrew put it, "it's always an honor to meet Harts."

Natalya almost missed my hand (since nobody shakes hands at these signings, apparently), but she apologized profusely and smiled with her handshake. Even though they too were not in the WrestleMania program, I hoped I’d see them during the show.

The main event for Andrew and me was meeting Santino Marella, who is arguably the funniest and best reason to watch the WWE these days. When I shook his hand, I told him, “you are, without any doubt, the most entertaining person in the WWE.”

“Thank you, it really means a lot,” he said in his fake, but hilarious Italian accent.

When Andrew met him, Santino noticed Natalya’s signature on the autograph sheet. He pointed to it and said, “she’s crazy.” Andrew laughed.

“When you hear her talk, can't you get the sense that she’s crazy?” Santino continued. Because of his persona, we couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. Either way, it was definitely the highlight of the Axxess experience for us.

After that, the event was winding down. We took photos with Katie Lea Burchill, another WWE Diva, and sat at this U.S. Army Reserve setup, where a photographer caught us posing in front of a huge WrestleMania XXVI sign. We went back to the ring, where Finkel and Fake Christian announced a tournament for the video game WWE Smackdown VS Raw 2010. (For the record, it’s a decent game at best, but not worth a purchase.)

The ring filled with WWE stars like Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Kofi Kingston, Hornswoggle, Sgt. Slaughter, Cryme Tyme (a tag team), and none other than Jimmy Wang Yang. Andrew couldn’t stop smiling as Yang made his entrance. Even better, Yang had to face Ricky Steamboat, perhaps the greatest Asian American wrestler of all time.

When asked if he could beat Steamboat in the game, Yang declared that Steamboat was an "old dragon" and that he was a "young dragon." The crowd got really hot for that, prompting Steamboat to slap Yang on the chest really hard. Andrew loved every second of it.

As the wrestlers grabbed their controllers and faced each other in the game, I stood back and turned to Andrew.

“Dude, we’re watching WWE wrestlers challenge each other in a wrestling video game, playing as themselves while standing in an actual wrestling ring. What the hell?”

“It doesn’t get more surreal than this,” Andrew said with a grin. Our friendship had always been predicated by moments like that one.

After about an hour, Shad from Cryme Tyme beat Kofi in the finals to win the tournament, and with that, Axxess was done. Andrew and I walked across downtown Phoenix with the orange city lights to guide us. It was a bit cooler than before, but not by much. It was during this walk that I realized how clean the city was. I couldn’t find a single cigarette butt or wrapper along the streets, which I thought was commendable. The streets were still silent, sans a few wrestling fans shouting “whooo!” to no reaction.

We passed the Wyndham Phoenix Hotel, where I had a gut feeling most of the wrestlers were staying. Andrew argued that they’d probably stay somewhere far outside Phoenix, but I highly doubted that. Given how dead Phoenix was, even I would book the wrestlers to stay in town.

We finally got to the Soul, and headed back to the hotel. We stopped at a Waffle House next door, where Andrew ate a bowl of delicious chili, and I had the cleanest bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich I ever had. It wasn’t oily, it wasn’t dry, it wasn’t messy or crumby. It was simply clean like the city.

I checked the photos taken with my new camera, and was disappointed to see that the Lumix shots did not compare to my broken Canon SD500’s pics. I chose to return the Lumix before I left, but use it during the weekend to review the photos I took from the Canon. I figured, as long as I used the Canon’s viewfinder, I could still snap a few decent shots.

As soon as the lights went out, Andrew passed out completely. All I could think of before I closed my eyes was, “Wow. I can’t believe I’m in Phoenix.”

NEXT: WrestleMania XXVI, Day Two